Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
