I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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