the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
