Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
