He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
