man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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