I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
