i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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