oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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