Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
