i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
