i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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