then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
