I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
