Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
