6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
