I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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