haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
