I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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