the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
They should really pass out barf bags in church
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I love having hate sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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