Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
