Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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