Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
