It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
