yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Vodka?
Forever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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