You're so nebulous sometimes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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