she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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