remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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