Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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