I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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