How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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