Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
