In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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