I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
