I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Two words: nipple clamps
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