can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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