He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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