Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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