I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
