I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
