this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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