cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
