dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
