just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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