Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
