He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
