I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
