Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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