2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
