Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
