someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
