Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
