this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
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It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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