Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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