Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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