I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
