He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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