Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
