yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
