I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
