i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
