We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
