But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
