I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just pee around me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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