i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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