We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
