i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
