Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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