I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
