I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
