So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
