Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
