but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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