I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
