He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's blow job season.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
