yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
