I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
